With chronic illness, you normalise so many things most people won't ever feel.

With chronic illness, you normalise so many things most people won't ever feel. You normalise high levels of pain, being exhausted, medical procedures and trauma, needing to rest after a shower. People see you surviving with an illness, but not all you had to normalise to do so.

— Nia | The Chronic Notebook (@chronicnotebook) January 21, 2023

@smeagolsfree

I COULD go on a diet. But then again, I'm an accidentally conscious animal in a chaotic, infinitely expanding universe. So...hard pass

— kid gruesome (@smeagolsfree) February 24, 2016

lol @ doctor idiot.

god: i have made Mankind
angels: you fucked up a perfectly good monkey is what you did. look at it. it's got anxiety

— doctor idiot (@jon_snow_420) October 28, 2015

President Trump.

I went to bed around 10:30 last night, anxious and overwhelmed by the tone of the election coverage. Twitter was thick with racist videos.

I woke up at 2 am to pee, and see how many text messages I'd gotten. I went on Twitter, and I was just hollowed-out.

I expected cooler heads to prevail.

A misogynist, racist, fear-mongering demagogue was put into office, quite easily. The Republicans have control of the senate - I'm just in shock.

I hope Americans feeling targeted and afraid can find comfort in friends and family.

I don't know what to say, I'm devastated for us all.

I also have a lot of questions.

Will people refuse to work with him?

Will people quit from the White House?

What does it take for an impeachment? If he is impeached, does that make Pence the president?

I just - I'm overwhelmed.

Donald Trump makes good on his promise to have Election Day observers monitoring immigrants pic.twitter.com/dRpDqhylzQ

— Freddie Campion (@FreddieCampion) November 8, 2016

First thing Clinton should do as president is pour everything into education so that this never ever happens again.

— (((guterman))) (@danguterman) November 9, 2016

The fact that Donald Trump the Hateful isn't losing by a landslide to Hillary Clinton is a stain that America cannot bleach away.

— Awesomely Luvvie (@Luvvie) November 9, 2016

*white supremacy rules for centuries*

white people: racism is over.

*trump winning*

white people: oh my god, racism is alive! pic.twitter.com/hjK3nhrO2l

— Gran Varones (@TheGranVarones) November 9, 2016

When 👏🏾 will 👏🏾 white 👏🏾 people 👏🏾 hold 👏🏾 themselves 👏🏾 accountable 👏🏾 for 👏🏾 Donald 👏🏾 Trump 👏🏾

— Heben Nigatu (@heavenrants) May 4, 2016

BUT

LIKE

HE

SHOULD

HAVE

GOTTEN

ZERO

VOTES

😶

SEND

— Gabe Liedman (@gabeliedman) November 9, 2016

#electionday pic.twitter.com/o85zRBkw9j

— banksy (@thereaIbanksy) November 9, 2016

America is a motel bed and Trump is the black light exposing the humongous filth stain across most of the mattress. #ElectionNight

— Travon Free (@Travon) November 9, 2016

THE FUCKING KKK ENDORSED THIS MAN. THATS WHO YOU VOTED FOR.

— Timothy Simons (@timothycsimons) November 9, 2016

It's not rigged. It's genuine me-first, alt-right whiteness, purse-gripping xenophobia, compounded by inherent fear of a woman's leadership

— gilly youner (@gillyarcht) November 9, 2016

Listening to pundits discuss every possible reason for this except the actual ones: systemic racism and misogyny.

— Ken Tremendous (@KenTremendous) November 9, 2016

Trump literally said he grabs women by the pussy on camera and human beings still voted for him today.

— BenDavid Grabinski (@bdgrabinski) November 9, 2016

Donald Trump is winning because America is racist, not because black people didn't vote.

— Julian (@Ju_JustGetsIt) November 9, 2016

Tell me again how rape and sexual assault accusations will ruin a man's career

— Paxmee (@Paxmee) November 9, 2016

People ask why women don't report sexual assault. You got your answer: a man can have double digit accusers & still be elected President.

— Liz Strand (@LizStrand) November 9, 2016

Stop telling ppl they'll be okay. There are a lot of people in this country that Donald Trump, himself, has promised won't be okay.

— Astead Wesley (@AsteadWH) November 9, 2016

It's mourning in America.

— Andrew Hibbard (@andrewhibbard) November 9, 2016

Tradition over truth, arrogance over info, Fame over decency, white male power over, everything. Being horrible is a culture. #ElectionNight

— jesseWilliams. (@iJesseWilliams) November 9, 2016

Maybe don't tell everyone it's going to be ok. For some people it's going to be a knockdown drag out fight to stay alive. Be ready to help.

— Dan Telfer (@dantelfer) November 9, 2016

DON'T MOURN, ORGANIZE
DON'T DESPAIR, CREATE

— Jeff Chang (@zentronix) November 9, 2016

RAPE CULTURE JUST GOT RAPIER

— Chelsea Peretti (@chelseaperetti) November 9, 2016

Hate spiked after Brexit, and will likely spike tomorrow in US. Here's a guide to intervening if you witness it. https://t.co/bihY0pvBqP

— Jackie Monkiewicz (@jmonkiew) November 9, 2016

"I feel sick to my stomach"- Scientists And Doctors Are Freaking Out About A President Trump https://t.co/hiR8OlUb8f

— Ben Smith (@BuzzFeedBen) November 9, 2016

KKK on the bridge in Mebane, NC this morning 😪 pic.twitter.com/GcSQeUB3w9

— shorty guizman (@kelbi1lewis) November 9, 2016

And in closing...

handle your sorrow with care. handle your anger with care. handle your loved ones with care. do not harm the guilty. do not harm yourself

— hari nef (@harinef) November 9, 2016

Read this thread:

Today is going to be a shit mental health day for so many of us. Here's what you can do:

— L.D. Lapinski (@ldlapinski) November 9, 2016

Bad day(s) at work.

One bad day at work and I wanna burn my life down.

— krimrat (@krimrat) 26 October 2016

On a bad day it takes all of me to try and ignore the seemingly evident ways in which I am not "good at life." Why is it such a struggle?

— krimrat (@krimrat) 27 October 2016

It takes so little for me to spiral. I am so close to that edge. It takes an enormous amount of energy and prevention to stay grounded.

— krimrat (@krimrat) 27 October 2016

It's so hard to translate the pain of depression into words. It both psychologically and physically hurts.

— krimrat (@krimrat) 27 October 2016

The morning after a depressive episode feels like your muscles are sore from cowering so hard.

— krimrat (@krimrat) 27 October 2016

Thank goodness for mortality. I don't think I'd ever be able to commit suicide, so it's nice to know death is inevitable anyway.

— krimrat (@krimrat) 27 October 2016

In the age of anxiety the depressive shan't be over-shadowed.

— krimrat (@krimrat) 27 October 2016

Get your shit together America!

Watched the "debate" last night. Brutal. Embarrassing. Terrifying. Horrific. Infuriating. I lasted 9 minutes, then would turn it off, then try again, last 2 minutes, then turn it off. Awful.

My way of coping right now will be through jokes and posting tweets that helped.

Recap of tonight's debate. pic.twitter.com/RiawpJbtnq

— Rashad Alaiyan (@rashadalaiyan) 27 September 2016

Some people seemed upset that I called @realDonaldTrump a moron, so I wanted to clarify my remarks: He's also an asshole. #ImWithHer

— Bruce Spingsteen (@Boss1949) 26 September 2016

And again..... the internet is still undefeated pic.twitter.com/cBZaDLbevR

— James (@iNeedKicks) 27 September 2016

When you're able to answer all of the troll's riddles. pic.twitter.com/rOGI1MLLUa

— Vanessa Ramos (@thatRamosgirl) 27 September 2016

The @realDonaldTrump campaign is deleting tweets during the debate that conflict with his on-air claims. pic.twitter.com/gBwHNlYEkm

— Doug Davis (@DJD) 27 September 2016

He does not even have the temperament to WAIT HIS TURN. #Debates2016 #ImWithHer

— shonda rhimes (@shondarhimes) 27 September 2016

If you're a man and you keep saying that you "don't trust Hillary," call your mom. Work that shit out.

— MPi (@huckchinn) 27 September 2016

#debatenight pic.twitter.com/N2HMwt8MqL

— BuzzFeed (@BuzzFeed) 27 September 2016

The most surreal thing is that Trump seems to think that people don't have access to the Internet where his lies are EASILY disproven.

— roxane gay (@rgay) 27 September 2016

The most surreal thing is that Trump seems to think that people don't have access to the Internet where his lies are EASILY disproven.

— roxane gay (@rgay) 27 September 2016

Fact checkers right now. #Debates2016 pic.twitter.com/NrcEzclCo3

— Gary Huang (@mrgaryhuang) 27 September 2016

Hillary sounds like she worked real hard but still has to compete for a promotion against the boss's entitled son. #Debates2016

— Solomon Georgio (@solomongeorgio) 27 September 2016

"I have better judgment than she does, no question about that," says While Male Privilege personified, referring to an overqualified woman.

— Jose Antonio Vargas (@joseiswriting) 27 September 2016

Donald Trump debating #debatenight pic.twitter.com/yPrIbCzdYX

— Molly (@Molly_Kats) 27 September 2016

his condescending interjections and interruptions and mansplaining are hitting the deepest part of my womanly frustration #Debates2016

— Rashida Jones (@iamrashidajones) 27 September 2016

If this wasn't a Presidential debate someone would come over and ask Hillary "Is this guy bothering you?" #Debates2016 #DebatesNight

— Jeremy Newberger (@jeremynewberger) 27 September 2016

.@realDonaldTrump created millions of jobs! pic.twitter.com/rjFCmHKvwu

— Danny Zuker (@DannyZuker) 27 September 2016

ARE YOU READY TO LEGITIMIZE A RACIST THIN SKINNED NARCISSISTIC FAME WHOOOOORE!

— Danny Zuker (@DannyZuker) 27 September 2016

Quick: Ask Donald Trump to name any of his grandchildren's birthdays.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) 27 September 2016

Have you ever watched a former Secretary of State scream internally for two hours straight?

— shelby fero (@shelbyfero) 27 September 2016

finally the whole country will watch as a woman stands politely listening to a loud man's bad ideas about the field she spent her life in

— Alexandra Petri (@petridishes) 26 September 2016

America, what is happening?

The happy introvert.

when u realize that u love spending time by yourself because you are a complete & interesting person on ur own pic.twitter.com/jVBlZ1sBuF

— milka (@ariesjpeg) August 9, 2016

Shrill by Lindy West. (Part 2)

I should have taken the time to sit down and write about Shrill properly when it was fresh in my mind. Instead, I did other things.

If you haven’t read the Part 1 of my review, please do.

She says a lot of poignant things throughout the book:

Women matter. Women are half of us. When you raise every woman to believe that we are insignificant, that we are broken, that we are sick, that the only cure is starvation and restraint and smallness; when you pit women against one another, keep us shackled by shame and hunger, obsessing over our flaws rather than our power and potential; when you leverage all of that to sap our money and our time - that moves the rudder of the word. It steers humanity toward conservatism and walls and the narrow interests of men, and it keeps us adrift in waters where women's safety and humanity are secondary to men’s pleasure and convenience. (Page 19)

The book is great, but the part that really jived with me was her experiences with comedy and stand-up and feeling “othered” by it - feeling outward hostility. Stand-up and comedy has really helped me through some dark times, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t also had a lot of shitty experiences with it.

I feel like when I was in my teens and early 20's it was very much about being a girl that could hang. Amy Schumer had a great bit about this on her show. It's about being "cool" with the dick jokes and the sexist stuff because their sexism or objectifying you isn't the problem, your just a girl that "can't hang" with the dudes.

I remember the first time I saw stand-up that really dug at my guts. I’d always watched sitcoms and SNL, but it was the George Carlin bit on “stuff” that blew my mind. I was both laughing and thinking “man that’s so true,” while also feeling deeply existential. I was about 11 or 12 at the time, I remember it vividly.

But it’s hard to love stand-up when you’re a girl. I was the chubby girl. The girl who talks back. The girl who takes charge. I was bossy. The feminist. Then I was “the fat girl,” the “we gotta go girl” the shrew who cock-blocks. I have been all those women. The douche-bro telling the joke is not telling that joke for me, he’s talking about me. About women I'm friends with. About amazing women. I'm the chum. He isn’t talking about drunk-culture or bro problems, he’s ripping up the girls who don’t wanna sleep with him, and think he’s a joke (already). Fuck the girls who see that. Fuck women, he's saying.

It's not just being the butt of the joke, it's the anger with which this jokes are told. The really deep-seated disdain for these women.

The racist stand-up, whose jokes you don't laugh at and who then calls you out - how aggressive and misogynistic some spaces are, Lindy spoke to all of that.

And though there have definitely been nods to it from other comics, a lot of the women whose work I like are also deeply part of the culture, and have had to be the "women who can hang" in order to even be let into the space.

We're seeing some of this come to light now, through veiled stories about prominent comics being "known creeps." I'm sure there's a shit-storm of stories out there, I can't imagine.

In West's case, she’s a writer who frequents those circles, she’s friends with Hari Kondabolu (who is great, and whose new podcast is great) and she’s worked with known editors and personalities. She’s in the zeitgeist. She’s of it.

In my case, I’m just someone who appreciates the work.Could I be a comedy writer? Maybe, if I had more ambition and less crippling depression / bad life skills. Maybe I'm only a comedian for myself. I'm okay with that. But I feel tied to comedians. The process, the insight, the instinct.

I still take it personally. I still see creative spaces and comedy spaces as mine. I could be there. I do haunt them, through astral projection.

There has been a shift though. It’s been nice, being able to watch the TV shows centred around feminist (openly!), female comedians, (Inside Amy Schumer, Broad City, The Mindy Project) watch great stand-up (Again, Schumer, Sarah Silverman, Tig Notaro, Ali Wong, Chelsea Peretti) and see all of this represented in popular culture.

Tig Notaro has a show coming out (One Mississippi) as does Cameron Espisito (Take My Wife) and both shows, feature lesbian comedians and their relationships! If you know anything about television you know lesbians usually don't do so well (Tara on Buffy, Lexa on The 100, see more here) so having not one but two shows have lesbian main characters in actual relationships is a big step.

That’s not even mentioning Maria Bamford, who represents both mental illness and stand-up comedy, and just a general level of genius and originality I can barely really grasp.

SNL’s cast right now is female dominant, with Kate McKinnon, Aidy Bryant, Cecily Strong and Vanessa Bayer being my everything. I try and watch anything Paula Pell does.

I like being able to buy tickets to Jenny Slate’s Obvious Child (a comedy about stand-up and abortion!) and see Ghostbusters feature my favourite female comedians while also supporting a film that makes men’s rights activists shit/cry. Spy was brilliant. Melissa McCarthy is fantastic and game. She’s a fat, hilarious woman and I love that I can support her and her work. I can see Bridesmaids. I can see Trainwreck. I can see movies written by and starring people I like and can actually relate to. 

But that's only lately. Some of my favourite comedians have had shitty opinions or been rumoured to be fucking assholes and I can no longer enjoy their work. Sex crimes happen. Assault happens. So yes, when West discusses the way stand-up comedy has also hurt her, I get it.

The misogyny and trolling she faces is incomprehensible to me. The insanely personal attacks she’s had to endure is just batshit insane. BAT. SHIT. INSANE.

The vitriol she must get - and that she faces with charm, grace and (gasp) humour is just inspiring.

She’s got backbone. And talent. And I know it must get overwhelming and I hope she’s well surrounded and really hopes she gets good things and kind things to counteract the crap things.

Lindy West,

Thank you for Shrill.

Shrill by Lindy West. (Part 1)

Go out and get it folks! Shrill by Lindy West!

I'm about half way through and it's great. It's funny and she's great, and she's able to clearly describe and explain all sorts of realities I relate to immensely (fat joke!).

Right now I just finished a chapter entitled Why Fat Lady So Mean to Baby Men? which is just on point. She talks about her experience with trolling and she refers to how she often re-posts their hateful tweets and comments "goo goo ga ga baby man," which is now my favourite insult when dealing with ridiculous man-whining/misogyny.

So I've got a new favourite insult, "goo goo ga ga baby man." Thank you @thelindywest - thank you very much.

— krimrat (@krimrat) August 16, 2016

She faved it!

Yay me! After reading her chapter on trolling and how much vitriol she puts up with, the least I could do is publicly acknowledge her work.

I'm going to write more about the book once I've read it fully.

I also don't want to just quote her incessantly, which I feel I would do, I just really recommend reading it.



There are segments of the book that speak to pretty heavy issues, and just correlate to some of the more shitty experiences I've had, as well as to some I'd like to mirror.

I think West is more confident, and more together than I am, but it's really nice to read something so close to my own experiences when it comes to my body, fat and shame.

See Part 2, here. 

The Isolator.

The Isolator. A helmet invented in 1925 that encourages focus and concentration. pic.twitter.com/95CiSj9XrS

— History In Pictures (@HistoryInPics) 22 March 2016

Rob Delaney.

I follow Rob Delaney on twitter, I have for a while. He's funny and plays off of machismo a lot. He also makes a lot of jokes about how disgusting out bodies are and how great that is.

If your response to calls for gun control is “Should we get rid of cars too?” the answer is, for you, yes. You should not have a gun or car.

— rob delaney (@robdelaney) December 14, 2012

I love gay people. Or as I sometimes call them, "people."

— rob delaney (@robdelaney) February 23, 2012

Which Mumford is the dad?

— rob delaney (@robdelaney) February 7, 2013

A few years ago he tweeted out about depression, which linked to a post on his Tumblr account. Read it. The text is concise and honest. He identifies as suffering from "unipolar depression" which is a term I'd never heard. My understanding is that it's depression. Bipolar being with the manic highs and lows, and unipolar being only the lows.

Delaney often re-tweets the Tumblr post, since he originally wrote it in 2010 (I saw it last year in 2014). He's clearly really successful now, and no doubt he wants to remind people of what he's survived, as a way to encourage others.

I just listened to his interview from a few years ago with Paul Gilmartin on The Mental Illness Happy Hour. He is really well-spoken, and he's been through the ringer. Both he and Paul talk about how shitty it is to be between medications, and how it's often a nightmare. That's something that isn't said enough. I recommend reading his Tumblr post, and listening to the interview.

Paul said this early on in the podcast, and it really poked me the gut. I often feel so irrecoverably broken. But on good days, I can see the light. And I have to hold on to that.

Sarcasm.

suffering from depression? just exercise a lot, socialize more, eat better, and do all the other things depression prevents you from doing

— spencer madsen (@spencermadsen) July 20, 2015

Checked out this guys actual page, most people don't seem to get the sarcasm, but hey - it's the internet, expect trolls and dummies.

Sandra Bland and the suicide narrative.

Since the suspicious death of Sandra Bland the media coverage has been a real swamp of information/misinformation/red herrings. The brutality of her interactions with the police have become increasingly transparent through video and transcripts.

There's also talk about mental illness, and the way it's being talked about in the media and on social media makes me worry about the intent behind using mental illness as a villain instead of focusing squarely on the police force.

Don't talk at me about depression and suicidal ideation when every instant of her experience with law enforcement was demoralizing, dehumanizing and hate-based.

I've been trying to stay abreast of this on twitter, Yves comments got me, because there's a lot of misrepresentation of suicidal ideation by the assumption that as they pointed out "someone that smart, passionate, determined, revolutionary etc wouldn't kill herself."

This is dangerous and hurtful.

I hate that so much of the defense of #SandraBland is "Someone that smart, passionate, determined, revolutionary etc wouldn't kill herself."

— Call Me Yves (@Adamant_Yves) July 24, 2015

You're posting videos of #SandraBland's brightness and photos of her smiling to prove she wasn't suicidal. It's problematic.

— Call Me Yves (@Adamant_Yves) July 24, 2015

I'm afraid it pins us to the wall. If it comes out that #SandraBland killed herself, then what? Is she less woke? Less revolutionary? Etc.

— Call Me Yves (@Adamant_Yves) July 24, 2015

I am no expert on #suicide either but our focus should be how she was brutalized by police

— Fetty Schomburg (@DanTresOmi) July 24, 2015

If she did kill herself (which seems highly unlikely) that doesn't mean she wasn't brutalized by police, in a long, seemingly never-ending shit-show of racism and aggression.

If she did kill herself (which seems highly unlikely), that doesn't mean she isn't deserving of support, and that her death shouldn't be mourned as being devastating.

If she did kill herself (which seems highly unlikely), it doesn't mean that the entirety of the stress, violence and vitriol focused on her is a symptom of a racist, systemically unjust justice system.

There is a lot going on here, and there are fantastic writers and journalists writing on the subject. I'm going to try and educate myself the best I can. Black twitter and activist twitter is a fantastic resource for discussion and insight.

It is increasingly disheartening to see story after story of police brutality and murder coming up from the states. I just want to send my love and solidarity to those feeling directly targeted. It's just so overwhelming.

so sad today.

I started following so sad today on Twitter:

you'd have to be insane not to be depressed

— so sad today (@sosadtoday) June 19, 2015

From what I can tell so far, so sad writes a column for Vice, but I can't find very much written by her. I find it interesting how many of the @ replies sent to her are just shaming or shitty. A lot of people don't get it.

Anyway, I'm going to message her this blog post just to say to her, I fucking get it. 

I've often had entire worlds of inner-dialogue about how logical depression is. How feelings of hopelessness and cynicism are totally warranted and can be easily argued for. I guess the distinction is how much depression is internalized and becomes an inner narration of self-loathing or an absolute rejection of life.

Some folks can be cynical and angry and live their lives. But with me, it becomes such an overwhelming view of the world it incapacitates me.

What's the point?

I often have so much fucking trouble answering that question.

On a good day I'll be all: "Whatever, you're here while you're here take a walk, pet a dog, giggle while drinking coffee." Life is still absurd, I'm just able to laugh at it.

Being depressed is being so god damn sensitive to everything. Everything. Are those who aren't depressed or anxious just those who are better at being a little more self-serving and ambitious?

Is that the difference?

Even when I read the science behind depression as a mental illness - there's just so much that's a god-damn question mark.

Ugh. Who fucking knows. . .

As time goes by more and more people seem to be diagnosed with depression and anxiety. It's the new normal. Maybe the insane are those who still look at the world and think it's all for them, and everything is possible if you work hard and believe, as if the privilege of opportunity doesn't exist.

So yeah, so sad today, maybe you have to be insane to be depressed. Maybe being depressed is a perfectly reasonable reaction to being in this life... We still don't want it though. It still fucking hurts. We can still feel the difference between a good day and a bad day. If those bad days are a fog of depression, what are the good days? Are those the days on which we're insane? Is it proof of our insanity that we prefer that delusion?

What does any of it mean, if anything.

One day at a time, until the day ends.

Moody Monday can cure depression.

"Cheer up", I say, curing someone of depression.
— moody monday (@mdob11) March 8, 2015

Nice Tweet, Nice Hippo.

Not sure why everyone is on antidepressants, the only thing this life asks of us is doing things we don't want to do every day forever
— Nice Hippo (@NicestHippo) April 1, 2015