Conan Talks About Norm Macdonald

 The passing of Norm Macdonald was a hard one for a lot of people. I adored Norm, I own Dirty Work on DVD for crying out loud. 

Like others have been saying, Youtube his greatest hits, "the moth joke" and the Courtney Thorn-Smith / Carrot Top joke.

Old Baby.

I watched Old Baby this weekend. I love Maria Bamford so much. 

It's like her comedy exists just for me.

Chris Gethard: Career Suicide.

The links seem to only link to the American version of HBO - so I don't know if this will be available in Canada. Womp womp.

Neal Brennan: 3 Mics.

I watched 3 Mics last night and it was very good.

It's part stand-up and part one-man show. The premise is excellent (3 mics, one for one-liners, one for "emotional stuff" and one for stand-up), and it's poignant and funny. Brennan goes in deep and honest on his depression and the darker bits of his life, it's just real honest and unflinchingly straight.

I highly recommend it.

Thank you for being honest Neal. Depression is the fucking worst.

Sarah Silverman and Pete Holmes.

Great interview/conversation between between Sarah Silverman and Pete Holmes on You Made It Weird (one of my favourite podcasts).

Silverman discusses her recent hospital scare, and her mourning for the deaths of three people close to her (Harris Wittels, Garry Shandling and her mother). They talk about life, religion and some pretty existential stuff.

Sarah has also been open about her living with depression and needing medication to function.

From this podcast:

Depression - there's a certain aspect of it that's self-obsession. As soon as you decide to focus away from yourself and have empathy and understanding of others, that's when it can go away. It's not a selfless endeavor, it's self-obsessed. Sometimes I forget that others exist. If I can throw myself into others ... you don't become as obsessed with your downward spiral.

Myu desire to get me "outside of myself" is part of why I started volunteering with the dog shelter and the prisoner correspondence project. I needed to get the fuck out of my head, and feel useful. In my case, it has helped.

Depression is ironic in that way, that you're so overly sensitive and feeling of everything, but at the same time, all of that attention is so internalized that you end up being self-obsessed.

Don't ever call a depressed person self-obsessed though - it doesn't come from a place of self-congratulation. It's more about being unable to look away from what you think is an oncoming train wreck you'll be the victim of but you're also responsible for.

The Hilarious World of Depression.

Currently listening to The Hilarious World of Depression, hosted by John Moe, I'm at the Andy Richter episode.

I listened to Richter's episode of You Made it Weird with Pete Holmes, and he mentioned his depression and his being medicated.

Richter talks about creativity, comedy and depression, as well as whether or not there's a higher representation of mental illness in creative fields.

Richter is also open about therapy, his neurosis, and his childhood. He refers to his depression as "a constant," and thinks of it as something you "manage."

He advocates therapy and for persistence in accessing care.

Great conversation. Highly recommended. I'll no doubt listen to more of the episodes when I can.

I love Andy Richter. I also love his wife Sarah Thyre. I listen to her podcast, Crybabies. I'm jealous that they're married to each other, but only barely. I'm mainly happy for them.

What Comedy Taught Me About My Mental Illness.

Just read What Comedy Taught Me About My Mental Illness by Kate Lindstedt.

I've been thinking a lot about self-representation through creative forms, through writing, and through my Etsy store. I've also been thinking about my ability to write, and my ability to be honest. 

Lindstedt's piece vaguely discusses how stand-up has helped her in controlling her narrative, and in being able to reflect and the absurdity of certain situations in an open way. 

It isn't easy in general, but there's something about comedy that has a way of defusing so much. If you're successful that is.

I made a joke in the kitchen at work yesterday about traumatizing one of my front teeth in high school, which then killed the nerves, resulting in the need for a root canal 15 years later. 

I was telling the story in French, and I said something along the lines of, "At the time I thought it was funny. I got a field hockey ball in the mouth, and my front tooth was wiggling around. I laughed *huh huh huh* (Seth Rogen chuckle) and played with it constantly. I was such a dumb idiot I didn't realize it wasn't the greatest thing to be able to wiggle your permanent adult teeth that way."

The thing is, I told this story in French, so instead of a ridiculous double-insult like "dumb idiot" I said something more serious, which would translate to "dumb bitch." The tone was off.

One of my colleagues got really serious and said, "Man you are hard on yourself."

So, first, duh, guy. 

But then I also wanted to explain how I failed the joke - but I couldn't be bothered. 

All of this is to say that I can be hard on myself in a way that's also ridiculous and overly-absurd, because life is ridiculous and absurd and that's also part of my coping strategy / survival method. 

I've thought about stand-up. Where the art loses me is having to perform for people. lol. It's like, meh, I don't need you to think I'm funny. I'm pretty funny. Thus writing and other types of creative work that are more self-motivated and curated are what I'm exploring. I also don't have the energy for the grind of it. The open-mics, the traveling, the hustle. I'm too busted right now.

Shrill by Lindy West. (Part 2)

I should have taken the time to sit down and write about Shrill properly when it was fresh in my mind. Instead, I did other things.

If you haven’t read the Part 1 of my review, please do.

She says a lot of poignant things throughout the book:

Women matter. Women are half of us. When you raise every woman to believe that we are insignificant, that we are broken, that we are sick, that the only cure is starvation and restraint and smallness; when you pit women against one another, keep us shackled by shame and hunger, obsessing over our flaws rather than our power and potential; when you leverage all of that to sap our money and our time - that moves the rudder of the word. It steers humanity toward conservatism and walls and the narrow interests of men, and it keeps us adrift in waters where women's safety and humanity are secondary to men’s pleasure and convenience. (Page 19)

The book is great, but the part that really jived with me was her experiences with comedy and stand-up and feeling “othered” by it - feeling outward hostility. Stand-up and comedy has really helped me through some dark times, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t also had a lot of shitty experiences with it.

I feel like when I was in my teens and early 20's it was very much about being a girl that could hang. Amy Schumer had a great bit about this on her show. It's about being "cool" with the dick jokes and the sexist stuff because their sexism or objectifying you isn't the problem, your just a girl that "can't hang" with the dudes.

I remember the first time I saw stand-up that really dug at my guts. I’d always watched sitcoms and SNL, but it was the George Carlin bit on “stuff” that blew my mind. I was both laughing and thinking “man that’s so true,” while also feeling deeply existential. I was about 11 or 12 at the time, I remember it vividly.

But it’s hard to love stand-up when you’re a girl. I was the chubby girl. The girl who talks back. The girl who takes charge. I was bossy. The feminist. Then I was “the fat girl,” the “we gotta go girl” the shrew who cock-blocks. I have been all those women. The douche-bro telling the joke is not telling that joke for me, he’s talking about me. About women I'm friends with. About amazing women. I'm the chum. He isn’t talking about drunk-culture or bro problems, he’s ripping up the girls who don’t wanna sleep with him, and think he’s a joke (already). Fuck the girls who see that. Fuck women, he's saying.

It's not just being the butt of the joke, it's the anger with which this jokes are told. The really deep-seated disdain for these women.

The racist stand-up, whose jokes you don't laugh at and who then calls you out - how aggressive and misogynistic some spaces are, Lindy spoke to all of that.

And though there have definitely been nods to it from other comics, a lot of the women whose work I like are also deeply part of the culture, and have had to be the "women who can hang" in order to even be let into the space.

We're seeing some of this come to light now, through veiled stories about prominent comics being "known creeps." I'm sure there's a shit-storm of stories out there, I can't imagine.

In West's case, she’s a writer who frequents those circles, she’s friends with Hari Kondabolu (who is great, and whose new podcast is great) and she’s worked with known editors and personalities. She’s in the zeitgeist. She’s of it.

In my case, I’m just someone who appreciates the work.Could I be a comedy writer? Maybe, if I had more ambition and less crippling depression / bad life skills. Maybe I'm only a comedian for myself. I'm okay with that. But I feel tied to comedians. The process, the insight, the instinct.

I still take it personally. I still see creative spaces and comedy spaces as mine. I could be there. I do haunt them, through astral projection.

There has been a shift though. It’s been nice, being able to watch the TV shows centred around feminist (openly!), female comedians, (Inside Amy Schumer, Broad City, The Mindy Project) watch great stand-up (Again, Schumer, Sarah Silverman, Tig Notaro, Ali Wong, Chelsea Peretti) and see all of this represented in popular culture.

Tig Notaro has a show coming out (One Mississippi) as does Cameron Espisito (Take My Wife) and both shows, feature lesbian comedians and their relationships! If you know anything about television you know lesbians usually don't do so well (Tara on Buffy, Lexa on The 100, see more here) so having not one but two shows have lesbian main characters in actual relationships is a big step.

That’s not even mentioning Maria Bamford, who represents both mental illness and stand-up comedy, and just a general level of genius and originality I can barely really grasp.

SNL’s cast right now is female dominant, with Kate McKinnon, Aidy Bryant, Cecily Strong and Vanessa Bayer being my everything. I try and watch anything Paula Pell does.

I like being able to buy tickets to Jenny Slate’s Obvious Child (a comedy about stand-up and abortion!) and see Ghostbusters feature my favourite female comedians while also supporting a film that makes men’s rights activists shit/cry. Spy was brilliant. Melissa McCarthy is fantastic and game. She’s a fat, hilarious woman and I love that I can support her and her work. I can see Bridesmaids. I can see Trainwreck. I can see movies written by and starring people I like and can actually relate to. 

But that's only lately. Some of my favourite comedians have had shitty opinions or been rumoured to be fucking assholes and I can no longer enjoy their work. Sex crimes happen. Assault happens. So yes, when West discusses the way stand-up comedy has also hurt her, I get it.

The misogyny and trolling she faces is incomprehensible to me. The insanely personal attacks she’s had to endure is just batshit insane. BAT. SHIT. INSANE.

The vitriol she must get - and that she faces with charm, grace and (gasp) humour is just inspiring.

She’s got backbone. And talent. And I know it must get overwhelming and I hope she’s well surrounded and really hopes she gets good things and kind things to counteract the crap things.

Lindy West,

Thank you for Shrill.

Lady Dynamite.

I have been looking forward to Maria Bamford's Lady Dynamite for a good long while.

I'd heard through stand-ups and comedians on Twitter that she was working on a television show for Netflix and knowing it would deal with her life, and her living with mental illness got me all riled up.



If you're not familar with Bamford, I wrote about her a few times here, so click on the label of her name for more on her.

The Atlantic has a review up. Hopefully I can carve out some time this weekend and watch it.

Netflix has been big on my list this past year, with The Fall, Jessica Jones and Kimmy Schmidt, it's a feminist scream fest: stellar female-driven comedy and complex, well-written female drama leads.Whodafuckingthunkit.

Mindy Kaling + Nick Kroll.

Just about to finish up Mindy Kaling's Why Not Me? - and one of her last chapters makes mention of how many people in her life live with depression:

I should start off by saying that I am one of the only television writers I know who is not depressed ... I'm just bringing it up because depression is something that I've come to accept from my creative community and I realize that's probably alien to most people. I don't know why the funniest people I know are also depressed ... It's sad that so many of my friends suffer this way.

Depression in creative, and depression in comedy writers are themes I encounter a lot. I had seen a Buzzfeed article on Nick Kroll ages ago, and I kept the link to eventually mention it here.

As we start our gradual shuffle down from the observatory, I ask whether someone who hadn’t grown up struggling — for money, for comfort, for success — could succeed in the comedy world. He turns suddenly serious: “I mean, look, we all suffer in our own way; like,life is miserable. And I’m not, ‘Oh, I’m a stand-up who’s sad,’ but the reality is that just about everyone is quietly unhappy. I don’t think that pertains to comedians specifically. I think most people look at themselves in the mirror and are not happy with what they see.”

 I have a few archived sources I want to eventually get to on this subject, but it'll take some time on my part, since I want to watch a few segments and read a few articles. This is a reoccurring phenomena that I see in my life, that I experience personally, and that seems mirrored in the comedy community I value and "follow."

In the case of Kroll, he posits that general unhappiness is universal. Life is hard. But there's something about the development of humour and wit as a reaction to hardship or pain that I think is real. Part of accepting life as miserable involves also seeing part of it that are innately nonsensical and absurd. That recognition, when diluted with humour, is tangibly more palpable.

Ask Me About my New God.

Currently listening to Maria Bamford's Ask Me About my New God.

It's so, frigan, excellent.

Just brilliant.

Here is is on Spotify. 

Comedians remember Robin Williams.

Kristen Becker has a post on Robin Williams, depression and suicide up today. I'm not familiar with Becker or her work, but Robin Williams' suicide kicked me in the stomach last year. Backer's piece is about her own personal experiences, and is critical of the way mental illness is down-played and ignored:

Let me be clear. What was happening to me at the time was something I DIDN’T BELIEVE IN. Yet, it continued. I was in no place financially to run off and heal my brain. Few of us ever are. Rarely can one call into work “crazy” and check out for a month and let the swelling go down.

Becker is especially critical of those who describe suicide as a choice and negate what it is to suffer from depression. Basically she cites authors who are neuro-typically privileged and have shitty opinions. She's generous to these people though, as shown in her title, You might not get it and I hope you never do. RIP Robin Williams.

There will be a few posts about him today, since it's the anniversary of his death. Bobcat Goldthwait did an interview about him, it's sweet, and sad.



Some highlights:

We all have depression, that's why my friend passed away. He was frustrated. He was trying to memorize dialogue... this was attacking his brain. I will say that I did witness him ... the depression thing, that wasn't a factor... I think comics in general are dark. I don't see him as suicidal. I think what happened was a result of the dementia he suffered from.

Goldthwait downplays the role depression played, saying he and Williams joked about suicide for over 30 years, and that the dementia was the tipping point.

I think what really punched me in the gut about Williams was how close to home it hit. I know he lived with depression, he often talked about it and about suicide. He could go pretty dark with his comedy. And when he killed himself, I felt it right in my gut. It was losing one of my own. One of my kind. A kindred sufferer.

Williams also looked so warm and loving. He smiled with his eyes. He had hairy arms. You wanted to hug him. Just writing that reminds me of that piece of him with Koko. 

It’s unfortunate that it takes the suicide of someone beloved to understand how depression and suicidal ideology work. We can seem perfectly functional, happy, and want for nothing, but still be in pain. Imagine when that pain is compounded by lack of access to help, to financial dread and to an inability to take the time to take care of yourself.

I didn’t know Robin Williams. To me, he’ll always be the genie from Aladdin and  Mrs. Doubtfire. The role that spoke to me the most, of course was his role in Good Will Hunting. That’s the way I remember him. Smiling with his eyes.  

Maria Bamford.

I've been aware of Maria Bamford for a while. First there aren't that many good female stand-ups (nothing to do with gender, more to do with stand-up, there aren't many good male stand-ups either, but yes, women are under-represented). I like her, but she also stresses me out sometimes.

This piece, however, is fantastic. Bamford is bipolar, and openly plays with themes of depression, anxiety and suicide in her stand-up.

The following is a story-time segment done for Above Average, called Psych Ward Visit.

Warning: this is her telling a story about being arrested and being placed in a psych ward, so it could be triggering.



She's just wholly original and this impresses me to no end. Brilliant.

There's also an interview with her on Modern Comedian. It's more of a personal interview. She talks about "cognitive confusion" that affected her after her new medication was administered, since thinking and speaking are a big part of being a stand-up (and you know, thinking is part of most jobs) she expresses how confusing it is to just accept that loss. Here we are, medicated and feeling incapacitated (to a degree) and needing to figure stuff out.

She references Crazy Meds, a site that helped her research her drugs, and have a laugh while doing so.

I'm also listening to her interview with Marc Maron, which is no longer available on his site (for free) but can be found on youtube. It's a fantastic conversation, there's a lot about mental health, anxiety and depression, and the way in which the neurosis of it all affects relationships, romance and basically our lives, constantly.

2015-08-03 - Update: Also watched Bamford on a public access show on mental health.

Here she is with W. Kamau Bell talking about her new special, which I need to find.

Tig.

The Neflix Tig documentary is fantastic. I watched it last night and laughed and cried. Then laughed, then cried again.

If you're not familiar with Tig Notaro, she's a very very dry comic who works  in the obvious and the uncomfortable and she's so so calm and confident in her stand-up. She's just fantastic.

I've had the pleasure of seeing her live when she came to Montreal for the Just For Laughs festival, her show was small, personal, and the energy in the room was palpable and giddy. I watch her stuff any chance I get.

The stand-up set the film references, Live, is indeed absolutely brilliant. I listened to it days after it happened, since the comedians I follow on Twitter were raving about it. Sometimes honesty about the brutality of life just speaks to people so so deeply. And this did.

I think the world of her, she's brilliant. I recommend the documentary, and I recommend her special, Live.

Harris Wittels.

Another comedian has lost his life to darker parts of himself.

I know Harris Wittels as a writer on Parks & Recreation. He was a regular one-liner in public town meetings on the show, and played Harris the Pawnee civil servant.

Harris died last night of an apparent overdose, at the age of 30. The guy was clearly a wunderkind if he's only 30 but already has Parks & Rec, Eastbound & Down and The Sarah Silverman Program on his resume.

The comedians I follow on Twitter all have nothing but praise for his sweet, funny nature. I don't have any original insight to his death. I just wanted to take the time to write his name because I just feel a lot about this.

I feel for his friends.

I feel for him. I can easily insert myself into last nights denouement.

These comedians, we funny people... With so much insight, such sensitivity and hyper-awareness, it is a gift and a curse. The curse comes first and the humour comes after. It's a way in which to unmask and undress the horror we feel from being alive.

Rest in peace Harris. I'm so sorry.

“Life is tremendously sad just by being in it.”

Louis C.K and Conan O'Brien.

"Have you ever done something awkward..."

Comedian Daniel Simonsen.