Guided meditations by Tara Brach.

A lot going on, busy and exhausted. Nervous about my new job, starting Monday.

Here are some guided meditations by Tara Brach.

I know I should be doing them - but all I want to do is sleep. It's all I can think of.

I need a vacation. I just want to do little to nothing for a week.

I just want to sleep sleep sleep.

Brené Brown on Empathy.

The struggle for more coverage: pay for my therapy you dicks!

Just took the time to look over an article in the Montreal Gazette about Quebec's National Institute for Excellence in Health and Social Science (INESSS), and their finding that provincial healthcare should cover psychotherapy.

The INESSS research team found that for people with moderate anxiety or depressive disorders, there is no significant difference between psychotherapy and drug therapy when it comes to reducing symptoms.

However, it concluded, psychotherapy's benefits are longer lasting — even after as few as five or six sessions —providing better protection from relapse.

The research spokesman, Michael Sheehan, lost a son to suicide, and relates access to psychotherapy to the implementation of vaccines:

"It's not a vaccine, but...it's as close as we can get to a vaccine... If we did have a vaccine for most common mental illnesses, such as depression and anxiety, don't you think we would be screaming to have access to it, and it would be scandalous if we didn't?"

The piece goes onto state that only 1 in 3 of practising psychotherapists are in the public sector, with the majority of those benefiting from talk therapy relying on private insurance or simply having the means to pay for the services themselves.

Let me remind you here that I pay 50$ bi-weekly for sliding-scale therapy. Of that, 80% is covered by my insurance, so 40$. This involves paper-work and a reimbursement process. So, I need to be able to afford paying that 50$, since my reimbursement will take a while. I'm covered for 800$ worth of services per year, so that's about 20 sessions, hence my going bi-weekly and not weekly. My former therapist, who charged me 60$ a session as a student, now charges 160$ an hour. Hence my no longer seeing her. 

Jason Gilmour's story is far too common. A resident of Danville, in Quebec's Eastern Townships, he has grappled with depression and occasional panic attacks most of his adult life. Yet for a decade, he didn't even have a family doctor, despite being told for years that he was near the top of waiting lists in the region. 

"A lot of the stuff I've done has been on my own, searching online, reading a lot of books on the subject," he said. "At a certain point, no matter how hard you're trying on your own, you still need a professional — an objective opinion to try to help you to see some issues that maybe you don't see on your own." 

"You just have to hold out hope that one day these things are going to change."

Well, head-nod to you Jason Gilmour, I hear you. Here's to hoping that the discussion of these topics in the public sphere and increased sensitization will lead to concrete change, sooner rather than later.

Human of New York (with depression).

I’m trying to come back to work after a period of depression. I’ve battled it off-and-on my whole life, but two years ago the wheels just completely came off. I’d just had a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner with my friends, and I went to sleep in a good mood, but then the next day I couldn’t get out of bed. I was still in bed four days later when my boss started calling. The next two years were a battle. I lost my job. I was hospitalized three times. I filled a giant binder with information about depression, where to find programs, and how to appeal your insurance company. I felt like I was fighting for my life. I’d call a hospital that specialized in a certain type of therapy, and they’d tell me they didn’t take my insurance. I’d say: ‘Please help me. I’m dying.’

Because this isn't a Tumblr blog I can't re-post this easily, but I really wanted to link to this. If you're not familiar with Humans of New York, head to the website as soon as you have some free time, it's a beautiful project.

This was a brutal read for me. So much of what this person is describing speaks to a lot of the fear I'm living with these days. I struggle everyday, but  my energy has been getting worse.

Will I just stay in bed one day? Will I lose my job? How will I support myself? I keep trying to access services, and I keep coming up empty handed. I also feel like I'm fighting for my life, but on some days I can really feel the fight draining from me, and that's terrifying. 

Hey I just met you, and I might be crazy, but here's my e-mail, so solve my problems maybe.

Hey B,

I hope you don't mind, I lifted your e-mail address from C's visit announcement.

It was mentioned in passing during conversation that your master's research is in the disability spectrum (I'm not sure in what regard).

I was wondering if you'd be willing to send me anything you come across dealing more specifically with mental illness and depression. I'm trying to work through some of my own stuff on my blog, and sometimes pieces about mental health, about self-care or depression or suicide allow me to focus what I think and feel a bit more.

I mean, a lot of things interest me . . . . feminist issues as a whole - which is basically everything. But my main point of view comes from someone who is chronically depressed and struggles daily.

I was also wondering if you have any orgs you can refer me to. . . If you come across them. I know disability is a huge umbrella term . . . . But maybe you know of stuff - local and otherwise - that could be helpful. . .


Lately, for me, my depression has been rough, and right now I'm really struggling with understanding it as a disability (and not a demon I deserve) . . . I'm also struggling with working full-time, so I wonder what my rights are . .

What a shit-show!

Anyway, I hope you're well. Sorry to be such an intense bummer.

I'm not having a good day today, and when that happens I try and reach out - no doubt a symptom of my desperation.

I have limp spoons today. They're plastic and have been left in a hot car. They're despondent.

♥

K.

I just solved all of my problems.

Originally posted on Craigslist:

Hello,

Are you one of those super rich people that apparently exist in real life?

I'm a working-class person looking for someone rich who'd like to give me some money so I can take a sabbatical and work on my art and writing (as well as mental and physical health, I'm mega-depressed).

What do you get out of it?

Well, in theory you're rich as shit - so what's money to you?

To me, a poor asshole, it's all I worry about.

Thanks,
Kristin.