About me.

Hi there,

Well, I've never been very good at life. And you know what, after a couple decades, I think it's pretty official. 

It's recently occurred to me that I am mentally ill and neurodivergent, so you know, it explains a lot. I'm maybe not "bad at life," but you know, just "weird and sad." 

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

My late teens were spent living with an eating disorder, and most of my 20s are a fog due to having major depression, hypersomnia, and anxiety. 

In 2022, I developed necrotic pancreatitis and was hospitalized for 4 months. This resulted in countless medical procedures, surgery, pneumonia, psychosis, a gastrojejunostomy, gastroparesis, and then learning to walk and move again. I now have type 3C diabetes due to no longer having a pancreas. 

I got out of the hospital with a tube in my stomach feeding me, and addicted to opioids. I stopped the opioids cold turkey because the addiction frightened me so much. The tube is out, but I'm now physically disabled from all the gut problems. It sucks, but my new motto is every fart is a win.

I've been through the wringer, and now I'm trying to learn how to live rung out.

I use this blog to track therapies and medical stuff, stuff I try, stuff that sounds promising. Various links. I share the work of other writers. 

This is also a space for me to share thoughts and to reach out into the void.

One of the big lies depression tells us is how alone we are. That we're born abandoned.

We're all alone, together.

Kindness is a habit I'm trying to hone. Cynicism is something in me I'm trying to cull.

My words may be occasionally quite dark and existential, but I also love to giggle and watch videos of dogs being reunited with their owners or of a gorilla scaring the shit out of humans at a zoo. 

Comedy has kept me alive. 

This blog is also an exercise in acceptance, since after decades of just surviving my life, I'd like to try and live it.

Good luck to us all.

♥