A case of the Fridays.

Fridays make me crazy maybe. I'm sitting at work, in this open industrial-loft type space, and all I wanna do is randomly exclaim “it’s fucking Friday!” every once in a while. A colleague had a cup of tea on a side of a desk and I just wanted to swat at it enthusiastically, sending hot liquid flying and watching the cup crash into the concrete floors. Understand, this wouldn't be out of malice, but out of excitement!

Like when a child is “full of beans” and can’t sit still. My grandmother use to say my brother was full of “piss and vinegar” which remains to this day one of my favourite expressions. It definitely applied to my brother, and two-decades later it applies to his 7-year-old son.

So today, I feel like I'm filled with piss and vinegar. I especially want to talk abrasively and laugh aloud. I want to make jokes with construction workers and high-five a small child. 

I wonder if this is what being manic is like. These days I've felt pretty good, but today I'm just excited that it’s Friday and can’t wait for the weekend – so I feel doubly better than I usually do. 

I feel so unlike myself, this piss and vinegar make me want to pull pranks! How shitty is that? I want to poke people and rough-house and run through a field. When, have I, a fat, lazy, over-grown toddler ever wanted to do anything close to that. Nap in a field maybe.

How the week goes.

So it's Friday. It's also "Good Friday" on Easter weekend so I'm one of three bodies at work today. I was alone for a good part of the morning. I considered just napping but eventually someone else came in. I'll probably leave earlier, because I'm a renegade.

The cycle of the weekday format kind of blows my mind. Whenever Friday rolls around I'm considerably happier and well, elated. I know I can soon go home and "take it easy." In my case right now my family is in the country visiting my brother, so I can take it real easy and not feel any type of judgement or pressure. I can be alone, and do what I want to do, whatever that is. That's sometimes really nice.

But the cycle cycles and it's Monday and things seem irritatingly redundant.

But it's the nature of the work week, and there are no surprised about what next week will look like. It'll be the same.

I'm having a lot of trouble lately being present in myself. I want to be able to be kind, and be present. Wherever I am.

But lately all I am, and all I continue to be, is tired.