Jenifer Lewis on bipolar disorder, and being the Mother of Black Hollywood.

Saw some videos pass through on my feed featuring Jennifer Lewis talking about bipolar disorder, and taking care of yourself. I thought her advice was on-point.

I got no problem talking about bipolar disorder or anything that I went through, or am going through. It doesn't go away. Mania is exhausting. It can ruin your entire life, and your families life - and those who love you. You gotta look in the mirror. You got to see that something is wrong. You then have to make a choice whether you want to live or die. It took my therapist 5 years to convince me to go on medication... You then have to be patient for your level of medication... 

Nobody is going to save you. Nobody is going to  rescue you. Nobody can wear your shoes. You have to make your own bed and build your own house. Do your best and leave the rest. Can't handle every fucking thing. Love yourself, so love will not be a stranger when it comes. And it will come, if you take care of yourself. 

For some reason I can only find the video on Facebook - which fucking irritates me to no end.

Also, this interaction with Josh Gad is pretty good. 

After a quick google search I see she was also on Oprah talking about being bipolar. 

She's indeed fabulous. There's also a wee bit on mental health on another piece on her on The Root's website, where she also talks about her work and playing "the mother" for many black-Hollywood productions. I think the first thing I saw her in was Fresh Prince.

Take care of yourself Kid Cudi.

Kid Cudi just posted about going to rehab for treatment, dealing with depression and suicidal ideation.

This is his post:

Its been difficult for me to find the words to what Im about to share with you because I feel ashamed. Ashamed to be a leader and hero to so many while admitting I've been living a lie. It took me a while to get to this place of commitment, but it is something I have to do for myself, my family, my best friend/daughter and all of you, my fans.
Yesterday I checked myself into rehab for depression and suicidal urges. 

I am not at peace. I haven't been since you've known me. If I didn't come here, I wouldve done something to myself. I simply am a damaged human swimming in a pool of emotions everyday of my life. Theres a ragin violent storm inside of my heart at all times. Idk what peace feels like. Idk how to relax. My anxiety and depression have ruled my life for as long as I can remember and I never leave the house because of it. I cant make new friends because of it. I dont trust anyone because of it and Im tired of being held back in my life. I deserve to have peace. I deserve to be happy and smiling. Why not me? I guess I give so much of myself to others I forgot that I need to show myself some love too. I think I never really knew how. Im scared, im sad, I feel like I let a lot of people down and again, Im sorry. Its time I fix me. Im nervous but ima get through this. 

I wont be around to promote much, but the good folks at Republic and my manager Dennis will inform you about upcoming releases. The music videos, album release date etc. The album is still on the way. Promise. I wanted to square away all the business before I got here so I could focus on my recovery.

If all goes well ill be out in time for Complexcon and ill be lookin forward to seeing you all there for high fives and hugs. 

Love and light to everyone who has love for me and I am sorry if I let anyone down. I really am sorry. Ill be back, stronger, better. Reborn. I feel like shit, I feel so ashamed. Im sorry. 

I love you,
Scott Mescudi

You can read it on his facebook.

The Atlantic has a piece up on masculinity, race and depression.

I just wish him love and support. It's rough, I know how he feels, and words are never enough. I wish him a warm blanket and a deep hug. Hot tea and a cuddle. A soft bed and clean sheets. Sun on his face. A hearty laugh. A friendly dog. Those little things help for me, I hope his little things help for him. Small comforts.

My chest aches in recognition.

Kristen Bell on her experience with anxiety & depression.

I listen to podcasts at work quite a bit. They keep me sane.

Last week I made my way through a few episodes of Off Camera, and really enjoyed Kristen Bell's episode. I'm a fan of hers. She had me at "hello" with Veronica Mars, and then made Forgetting Sarah Marshall and is now on House of Lies, so basically I liked her choices and she kind of pushed it over the top to just loving her / thinking we're secret friends when she cried about sloths.

Listen to the podcast episode for a great discussion on all sorts of things, I thought it was fascinating hearing about her and Dax Sheppard's relationship, especially since they're so different. If you can, listen to his episode as well. Really fascinating. I really identify with Dax's "the world is full of wolves" mentality, but I can see why he'd be drawn to Bell's enthusiasm and joie-de-vivre. 

Shame on me for thinking she was the living embodiment of a Disney princess, beautiful and worry-less (I thought this before she got Frozen, she's like all cute and perky and sings to animals). Here is an excerpt in which Bell talks about her experiences.



I just want to wrap her in a blanket and hold her like a baby, but like, in a cool way.

I told the truth in my sister’s obituary, so that others might choose to live.

The Washington Post has a great piece up. Entitled I told the truth in my sister’s obituary, so that others might choose to live, the piece is written by a woman whose sister died by suicide due to her struggle with depression. The author, Eleni Pinnow chose to write and speak honestly about the death of her sister in the obituary she wrote for her.

The obituary, brought me to tears. Reading the obituary also moved someone over at the Washington Post, since they decided to contact Pinnow directly.

Read all of it. Read Pinnow's article, then the obituary.

Many feels.

Her call to arms at the end of her piece reinforces by desire to be open and honest about my struggles.

The article then linked me to this, An open letter to the Whole Foods shoppers who consoled me when I learned of my dad’s suicide which also made me cry. It's a testament to kindness and care, and my heart is just exploding right now.

Many, many feels.

Lady GaGa and the Emotion Revolution.

A little after the 8-minute mark Gaga talks about her struggles with anxiety and depression, and her being medicated. She has been unable to wean off of her meds (sounds familiar to me, and is an issue for many of us).

She also lists all the things she's tried (acupuncture, cupping, meditation).

It's an interesting conversation overall as well, the new research and conversations revolving around emotional and emotional intelligence is not inly interesting but encouraging.

I Smile Back.

For when you can't sleep at night.

Skye Lim has this great Tumblr, For When You Can't Sleep At Night. Just some beautiful stuff. Really successful depictions of depression and mental health struggles.

You know, depression seems for me, linked to my also being highly sensitive. This works well with my art and my creativity, but is also a double-edged sword in terms of self-criticism and over-analysis. There is almost a type of mania to creativity. Good days. Bad days. Days where you can't stop. Days where you can't start.

Again, check out Sky's blog. 

Tattoos: good day, bad day.

Saw these over the weekend on instagram.

The first, I thought was a great representation of depression, since poetic language on the subject often refers to feeling trapped or imprisoned, and I find the visual of a ball and chain pretty successfully evocative. It's pretty clear.

Saw this on gustavo_martinez_tattoo's instagram.

The second is kind of a play on the toughness of knuckle tattoos and how it's would be great to be reminded daily that I'm okay. I love this one.

Saw this on hhobbess' instagram.

I love hand and knuckle tattoos, so that okay one is really going to ferment in my brain.

On Melancholia.

I was discussing the film Melancholia with a friend the other day. We had different experiences watching it. Mainly, I really got it, and she really didn't. 

If you haven't seen it, Melancholia is a film by Lars Von Trier that centres around two sisters, one of which, played by Kirsten Dunst, is depressed. According to the films wikipedia entry, the film's inspiration came from Von Trier living through a depressive episode, leaving him with "the insight that depressed people remain peaceful in catastrophic events."

I thought the languid, disembodied representation of depression was catastrophically on point. Dunst won a ton of awards for it, rightfully so. 

No doubt the film can be triggering, but I thought it was beautiful and poignant and yes, dark as fuck, but it's a movie about depression, so to those who don't get that, and find that space uncomfortable (from a space of privilege of not having to live with it) just fucking handle it for 2 hours. Maybe it can help some empathize. 

I haven't watched it since watching it originally, I'll eventually buy it (I have an extensive movie collection), since it remains my go-to reference as a film with a solid portrayal of depression. 

The films catastrophic event is the end of the world, brought on by the possibility of a rogue planet colliding with Earth. Dunst's character, being deeply depressed, handles the realization very calmly, since for many of us, every day is a struggle, every day is painful and often, and on any day it feels like the end of the world. 

So, scream that it's the end of the world, and I'll sigh and say, "yes."

The one unbelievable thing about Melancholia is that someone would turn-down sex with Alexander Skarsgård. A sign of the end-times, no doubt.

Typicality is an illustion.

Quoted from my previous post.  Who says I can't quote myself!? I like what I said! Psh!

On "new atheism" and atheist representation.

There's an article over on Salon about 8 atheist leaders actually worth listening to, I thought I'd link to it here, since this is something I'm happy to read.

I wrote an undergraduate thesis while in University about atheism and the Canadian identity:

The Illegal Atheist: The Charter, Marginalization and Canadian Identity 

This thesis deals with the preamble to the Charter of Rights and Freedoms and the way in which it creates an assumed god-worshipping Canadian identity. The production and reproduction of this assumption marginalizes atheists and non-believers and further prolongs a Christianity-based hegemony. I work through this by identifying the preamble of the Charter and the way it affects the reading of the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms. I then move into how this preamble is part of a Christian hegemony that is well rooted in Canada, and how this history has created a “Canadian identity” with which we live today, and which privileges the god worshipping. Lastly I discuss the way in which this “Canadian identity” frames the atheist and non-believer as “other,” and how the “othering” of the atheist marginalizes her by excluding her from discourse and political representation.

So, atheism and atheist readings aren't new to me. At the time (2008) I completed a literary review that included a lot of work by Richard Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens. Sure, they had some great points here and there regarding atheism, but overall they were dicks. They were sexist, racist, and elitist. 

I'm not familiar with the term "new atheist" but according to the wikipedia entry it's a club that features four white guys. So no, I'm not a "new atheist" - I'm just an atheist.

So, this article over and Salon (by AlterNet's Greta Christina), lists students, writers and activists of different backgrounds, genders and cultures as resources for atheist representation and community. 

Anyway, if you're interested, check it out.

Demi Lovato's Be Vocal campaign.

I had heard via social media that Demi Lovato was part of a mental health sensitization campaign called Be Vocal. I'm not super familiar with Lovato. I've heard a few of her songs on the radio, but I know her mainly as someone who has been open and vocal about her experiences with eating disorders and depression. Over time, she's become increasingly candid about living with bipolar disorder.













I just googled Lovato. She's 22. That's bananas to me. In my early 20's I was barely human. No doubt she's had to grow up really fast though, I think she was a Disney/Nickelodeon starlet (à-la-Miley and Hilary Duff). I can't imagine going through everything she did publicly. She's extremely well spoken on the issue, so she must be well surrounded and supported. I'm sure Disney money means top-notch mental health professionals. Good on her for being open and honest about it, she'll help a lot of her peers and younger fans.

HA-HA, I just realized the website is sponsored by big pharma. Of course it is! Sunovion Pharmaceuticals Inc. - how quaint!