A friend of mine just lost her mother. They weren't especially close, but she was her mother nonetheless. I am having trouble thinking of anything else today. I am working from home, thinking about how in another part of the city, a friend just lost her mother.
We're living parallel lives, and she is living tremendous grief and is experiencing one of the most profound losses a person can experience. The loss of a parent. And in this case, the loss of a mother.
One day, I will lose my mother. The most significant relationship of my lifetime. A woman I live in the same building as. My mother. A neighbor. Our lives are very intertwined. My dogs visit her daily. I cook for her. We run errands together. I borrow her car. Our relationship is both practical and deeply comforting. Two single women, one elderly, one disabled. Both fragile in our own ways.
I try not to think about the loss of my mother too often. I don't want to grieve a loss that hasn't yet happened. Why take on that pain before it's inevitable? But when a friend loses their mother, it is hard not to think about what that loss will look like for me.
For friends, they have partners and children. I don't. My mother is my most lasting relationship, and it's with someone who is biologically, fundamentally, programmed to love me. And I feel that. Nobody will ever love you like your mother. And I have trouble with attachment, and she's the only person I know who truly loves me.
I feel that my mother had me because she wanted me. I've never felt like my mother didn't want her children (which is the case with some of my friends). I've never felt anything but love from my mother. We have our soft spots, our histories, but I've always felt I had a mother who loved me and wanted me, and who loved being a mother and grandmother.
I try and stay present and grateful for my time with her. Who knows, I could die first. I wouldn't wish that on her, though. I would rather take the loss, though it will be terribly lonely for me.
What a deeply sad reality - all the loss of the loves in our lives.
