PTSDiva.

I adore Scott Thompson, this is a link to his podcast, PTSDiva.

Some people skate through life with nary a bump. Others are knocked about like kittens in a dryer. And then’s Scott Thompson (Kids In The Hall, Buddy Cole), who has suffered more abuse than a Lars Von Trier actress. But none of those calamities have kept him down for long! He has instead emerged, if not better, then at least not worse - and always with a funny story. On PTSDiva, Scott talks to other comics about their lowest points, as well as surgeons, priests, and other experts on the human condition. Along the way, he'll share stories from his life, and how they've made him who he is today.

Putting this here so I can listen to his episode with Andy Richter, since I am currently listening to his episode with Richter on Richter's podcast Three Questions.

Host Andy Richter asks the same three questions to each guest: Where do you come from? Where are you going? What have you learned? These three simple questions, when answered honestly and thoughtfully, are enough to provide a pretty complete picture of who a person is. The answers are what Andy always wants to know about people. This will not be a one-sided process, as Andy won’t shy away from getting personal himself.

I love them both!

What's Your Ailment with Maria Bamford.

I haven't had a chance to watch this yet, but I adore Maria Bamford.

Check out her talk show, What's Your Ailment?

Maria Bamford on Three Questions with Andy Richter.

Not everyone has an internal monologue. . . (!!!)

This article has blown my mind, as a tweet blew the mind of the author of the article. It's a chain reaction, brains popping off one after another.

Check out Today I Learned That Not Everyone Has An Internal Monologue And It Has Ruined My Day, where the author of Inside My Mind, well, learns something, that he then wrote about, that then had me learning something.

He mind exploded after reading this - brace yourself!

Fun fact: some people have an internal narrative and some don't

As in, some people's thoughts are like sentences they "hear", and some people just have abstract non-verbal thoughts, and have to consciously verbalize them

And most people aren't aware of the other type of person

— Kyle🌱 (@KylePlantEmoji) January 27, 2020

It is, indeed, blowing my mind. The author went on to ask around about this:

Literally the first person I asked was a classmate of mine who said that she can not “hear” her voice in her mind. I asked her if she could have a conversation with herself in her head and she looked at me funny like I was the weird one in this situation. So I began to become more intrigued. Most people I asked said that they have this internal monologue that is running rampant throughout the day. However, every once in a while, someone would say that they don’t experience this.

I e-mailed myself the article so that later on today I can text all of my friends and ask them about this.

Check out the original post.

Weaning down: Day 9.

Checking in.

9 days in and no side effects so far.

Extremely surprised - but hesitant to even mention it since I could potentially lose my frigan mind at any point in time.

Cautiously optimistic. But barely.

Weaning down.

I asked a GP to write me a subscription for a lower dose.

I was on 150 mg, I'm now on a 75 and a 38.5, totaling 113.50.

I will try this for 6 weeks.

I am on Day 3.

So far so good.

Early days, real skiddish about what tomorrow brings...

The Challenge of Going off Psychiatric Drugs

I'm putting this here so I can take the time to read it through later.

The Challenge of Going off Psychiatric Drugs, by Rachel Aviv.

I'm looking into weening off my medication. I've been in a good place depression wise, and I'm reading all I can and trying to find a psychiatrist.

From the above article:

David Taylor, the director of pharmacy and pathology at the Maudsley Hospital, in London, and the author of more than three hundred peer-reviewed papers, told me, “It is not as though we haven’t been burned by this before.” If he hadn’t experienced antidepressant withdrawal himself, Taylor said, “I think I would be sold on the standard texts.” But, he said, “experience is very different from what’s on the page.” Taylor described his own symptoms of withdrawal, from the antidepressant Effexor, as a “strange and frightening and torturous” experience that lasted six weeks. In a paper published last month in Lancet Psychiatry, he and a co-author reviewed brain imaging and case studies on withdrawal and argued that patients should taper off antidepressants over the course of months, rather than two to four weeks, as current guidelines advise.

The article also links to two resources:

The Withdrawal Project - which seems to have outlines and resources on what to expect in withdrawal, as well as ways to prepare. I'll have to read through this when I have more time. Oooooo Withdrawal Symptoms - the fun part. They have my brain zaps! I feel so seen. 😩

and

The Inner Compass Initiative, which funds that project, and describes its goal as to help people "flourish beyond the mental health system."

- - -

I know it's been a very long time since I've written anything here. I'm on my break at work, so I am taking 5 minutes.

The last two years has been all about new jobs (2), buying a duplex, moving, issues with a tenant (super long story, a real fun ride), and all sorts of just drama and life stuff.

Take this past holiday for example. This would have been my first holiday in years. I took two weeks off of work over Christmas. Instead I got a really bad cold that turned into a Bacterial lung infection and was on my ass for three weeks. I just finished taking the antibiotics.

My aunt passed away right before Christmas, so the 28th we were at a funeral.

And last week my brother was in the hospital for a perforated bowel.

2019 was busy and similarly intense, and 2020 is starting the same way.

I just hope (in a desperate way) that the issue with the tenant will be resolved sometime before this summer, because it has been a tremendous amount of stress on me in every way.

In 2020, I would like to start working on myself and my physical and mental health in different ways and try new things. But that takes energy. And the last two years have been a straight sprint "into adulthood" and adult-issues (death! mortgages! debts! parents dying! parents sick! divoce!).

I miss writing, I miss the practice of it and the expulsion of my incessant, racing mind.

I will try and make the time to write.