Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Missing a dose.

It was a difficult weekend for me. I think I forgot to take my medication Friday night, making Saturday a bit of a shit-show.

While driving, I was fine. For some reason the focus of the road, and the forward motion eased the symptoms. I drove to my brother's house with my mom, to spend some time in the country.

As soon as I would get out of the car, I would feel lopsided and like I was a little off in the calculations of the space my body occupied. It was very odd. I would bump into things, it was like I was off my a couple of degrees, at all times.

I stopped at a gas station to get some Gatorade for my mom (she's been sick) and it's like I couldn't handle the tight rows of magazines and concessions. It was like a game of operation, only filtered through blurry glasses.

I went to my brother's house and hid in the basement, as soon as I laid down, I starting hearing the whooshing. It would come in 3's. It's just a terrible feeling. It's uncomfortable and dissociative. I'd have moments of depersonalization. It's frightening.

I took a pill in the afternoon, trying to get some drugs back into my system to cull the affects of the drugs leaving my body. After a few hours of laying low, I felt better.

I spent the night at my brother's house, and the next day felt alright. I had some mild anxiety in the afternoon, and was feeling sick in the car ride to the movie theatre. It was a feeling I hadn't felt since the peak anxiety days of a few years ago. It's not something I'd like to revisit.

Yesterday, I took the day off work (planned) to go see Dr. Rishi. It was good to see him. I always find our sessions good, and he seems genuinely caring and interested. We decided to up the medication again, and see if I improve even more. I think I stayed with him for over 45 minutes, we talk and talk. He's so extremely personable. He's super kind and seems genuinely caring. He's clearly in the right profession.

We talked about a lot of stuff, I had my little list. I've mailed him articles I've found interesting. lol. I'm not a passive patient. Read these! 

I also mentioned to him this blog, and how it's helped to externalize certain thought-cycles, and allowed me to do something constructive with my incessant thinking.

He talked to me about how he sees life as being quadrant-based. How there's the social, the financial, the physical and the professional, and how sometimes you can only focus on one quadrant at a time, in order to better your situation. But that all of them play a huge role in your mental and physical health. We talked about that at length.

I'm set to see him again in a month. I should start taking my higher dose of anti-depressants this weekend (I gotta wait for a pay-check).

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