Friday, June 26, 2015

On dominant thoughts and being "thought out."

Here we go:

Our life always expresses the result of our dominant thoughts. 
– Søren Kierkegaard

I came across this quote on some random quote-regurgitating Twitter feed. This is where gems are hidden these days…

Re-reading this quote now, weeks after I pasted it in what I affectionately call my “blog topics dump” text document on my google drive, I can’t help but think of that whole “the secret” fad. Remember that fad? Where you used a vision board to project into your own future?

Look, I can understand, logically, that the lens with which we perceive, sort, and react to the world directly affects that same lens (re-creating and enforcing itself).

Getting up, and being positive, and feeling that the world is nothing but possibilities, no doubt leads you to trying more things, and taking risks, and thus gaining more out of life. Alternatively, feeling downtrodden and crippled by life and its obstacles will lead you to remain on a more limited path.

So where does this leave me? If I'm struggling with my depression, and constantly (these days) thinking about my reality as a “depressed person” does that equate “dominant thought”? Right now, I would say it feels like it does.

I've felt, possessed by a hyper-tenderness to my depression. These last few weeks have been rough. I've been tired and just, so depleted. I equate it to feeling “talked out” only of my thoughts. I'm “thought out” of it. I've just been too aware, to sensitive, to worried, to engaged in access resources, too disappointed, too self-reflexive.

I'm thought out.

So if my dominant thoughts are now no longer if what ails me, but of how weary I am of it all, how thought out I am, what life is expressed? Is my life right now, the embodiment of a sigh?

Is that what I am today? A walking sigh?

*I shouldn't have to point-out that I don't own the rights to Peanuts... But I don't.


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