Wednesday, May 27, 2015

The Dr. Scavenger Hunt.

Yesterday was an interesting day. After the Doctor-debacle of 2015, I finally went out to Montreal-West to see Dr. Rishi. First, I don’t go West, so bus'n along Monkland was nice, it’s a really nice area. It’s all brownstones and anglos, it’s like being in another world.

I took the afternoon off of work, since my appointment was at 1:45 and google estimated about an hour for me to get there. I waited nearly an hour past my appointment time, but any annoyance washed away when Dr. Rishi saw me and said hello. He’s so jovial.

Any-who. . . The appointment went well. He informed me of his plans, he’ll be starting his own family practice with 4 other doctors, and it’ll be located in Westmount. This’ll be convenient for me since I can walk over when it’s nice (still about a 30 minute walk) and I can take the subway if I’m pressed for time. Either way it’s accessible from work.

I ended up talking with Dr. Rishi for over an hour. We talked about my depression, and we made a plan. We’re trying stronger meds, and he’s booked a phone consult for me and a nurse who might be able to get me some free therapy. I don’t think it’ll happen, since it’s a CLSC that’s outside of my service zone, but he’s going to try and make it happen. Side-note: The CLSC is called Benny Farm, which is insane sounding to me. It makes me think of Benny Hill (an observation Dr. Rishi actually got, and we laughed about) and also a farm where maybe Ben Affleck goes to get away from it all.

Meanwhile, I contacted the Argyle and I would be charged 50$ an hour for therapy there. So that’s an option too. I'm going to check it out.

You know, I'm kind of surprised by how much better I felt after seeing Dr. Rishi. There’s a French expression that says someone feels prise en charge which means, when literally translated being taken into someone's charge (like back-in-the-day English where a charge was a kid you took care of). Although it probably comes from this type of history, today we usually use it in a positive context, it means being handled, and you or a situation being taken care of. 

Well, I never feel that way, so yesterday was an odd sensation for me. He said his priority is my depression right now, and then we'll go into overall health. We also talked about what the St-Mary's Doctors thought about me, and he said they felt I could totally handle myself and that I seemed mildly to mid-level depressed. 

This irritated me, and I explained how I feel my verbosity and funny-nature (and big fat round face/head) often masks the intensity of my depression. My being able to talk circles around what I'm feeling often leads me to talking myself away from how dark my thoughts can be. My funny, absurd nature can also just detract from what I'm feeling and just leave people with a different impression of me than what might be needed for me to be read as "seriously depressed." He got that. 

I mean, the guy makes me sound like a dullard. He's well spoken, clear, and very quick. He's super charming, so he was able to understand that aspect of representation versus internalization. 

I also mentioned that other than "suicidal ideation" there is very little follow-up for mental health. Planning a suicide, an actively pursuing your death is a crisis. But, wishing you were dead all the time is a slow painful way to be. 

I have to go out and get my new meds, and then Dr. Rishi wants to see me in a few weeks. Once I talk to the nurse he referred me to, and I have a few weeks of meds in me. 

Overall I'm happy that . . .

  1. I found him (I didn't hallucinate getting a GP).
  2. He is still practising and wanted me as a client / I can follow him.
  3. My first impression of him was correct, he's kind, funny, warm and I can really talk to him he also seems to like me, which is nice. I like when people like me. 
I feel hopeful, which is so god-damn rare I can't even.

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